Strange and disturbing things can happen when girls try to be boys and boys try to be girls, like Mrs. Doubtfire, and the WNBA. For a more tasty transformation that takes the traditionally feminine dessert of cupcakes and adds some pork to it, Mancakes Bakery.
Once upon a time a couple guys looked at a perfectly baked cupcake delicately topped with pink sprinkles, lovingly glazed with yellow icing, and they thought, what this here needs is some bacon. And add bacon they did, along with a myriad other manly toppings and fillings to create a line-up of cupcakes better suited for a Super Bowl Sunday than your niece’s 8th birthday party. Mancakes Bakery, as they came to be known, dishes up a high end dessert, made by men, for men, who want to eat sweet without sacrificing their masculinity. Fan favourites include:
Combining baked blue cheesecake mousse, a hot sauce buttercream topping and crispy chicken bits, the Buffalo Wing is the perfect compliment to your Super Bowl Sunday platter…or at least, the perfect way to placate your wife after she finds you passed out in the bathroom with a foam finger lodged up your ass.
Rum and Coke
When Captain Morgan famously stated, “let them eat cake” he surely did not mean this vanilla base delectable with its cola cream filling and rum buttercream topping. Because this cake is so good, he would’ve eaten it all himself.
There’s nothing better than breakfast, except maybe breakfast in cake form. The Breakfast Mancake uses a vanilla base filled with bacon and egg custard, topped with a maple syrup buttercream and crushed sweet almond wafer to give you your eggs and bacon fix without having to cook eggs and bacon, you lazy bastard.
Pound your chest, scale the Empire State Building and devour the King Kong cake. With its chocolate base, banana cream filling, and toppings like marshmallow and chocolate shavings, you’ll be left feeling more ape than Andy Serkis.
This doozie is concocted with a spice base filled with whiskey ganache and topped with white chocolate lime icing and lime sugar; and a disclaimer that states the bakery isn’t responsible if you end up like you did last time you consumed whiskey — sitting in a cold Surrey jail cell, nude but for a Nixon mask and a pair of LA Lights, which you don’t own.
Bacon Chili Chocolate
Bacon is the Gary Oldman of the food world; it can be in anything and almost always makes it better, which is why Mancakes has combined it with chilis to produce the Bacon Chili Chocolate. It starts with a chocolate base, which is then filled with ancho chili chocolate buttercream, topped with vanilla buttercream and, finally, crumbled bacon. The only way they could improve upon this is if they filled it with bacon cream instead of buttercream, but that would almost certainly violate some kind of animal rights legislation, and make Ms. Piggy very jealous.
Just in time for Valentines Day the company will be releasing a mini version of their Mancakes, which is sure to please anyone who has a difficult time getting their mouth around a regular sized Mancake. Also included with every purchase is an unlimited supply of elementary-school level jokes related to the name Mancakes.
Mancakes Bakery (Emailed January 23, 2012)
ManCakes Bakery will begin to offer a ManCakes of The Month (MOTM) cupcakes subscription service for the Vancouver Area. Each month, a new, limited edition flavour can be hand delivered to your home or workplace on a date, chosen by you, sometime during the first week of each month. This service can be set up on automatic billing so that you don’t have to be bothered with payment details each month! Want to cancel or take a break? No strings attached.
Make sure to start your MOTM subscription service at Mancake of the Month and not miss your chance to taste this amazing new flavour!