Don't Be That Guy | Men's Online Magazine - Briefed

Don’t Be That Guy


So you’ve moved to the Big City from some one-horse town. Or maybe you just got out of a long-term relationship. Or, perhaps, this is part of that New You you started at the beginning of the year. Whatever the reason, you’re giving online dating a try.

You’re excited. Obviously. There are so many bright and shiny people you find yourself wanting to date the fuck out of them all.

But you’re torn.

You’re a nice guy. You’ve always been “the nice guy.” All you want to do is see what’s out there without feeling guilty or, god forbid, turning into that other kind of guy.

Here’s what you do:

Rule No. 1 Own that shit

Get the “But I’m not a player, really” mantra out of your head.

What you’re doing (or about to do) is only worth feeling like a piece of shit over if you try to have your cake and eat it too.

So don’t.

Accept the fact that dating, like your childhood, is filled with rejection and disappointment. The worst thing you can do is pretend like you aren’t going to have a little something to do with that.

Rule No. 2 Don’t be an idiot

While you should familiarize yourself with the term “catfish,” you also need to be conscious of those who are, in fact, completely sincere.

You don’t know what you want, that’s fine, but if the person you creep up on happens to be that kind of person then Back. The. Fuck. Away.

I don’t care how hot she is. If you’re using OkCupid over something like Tinder, you have no excuse. Girls’ profiles make it abundantly clear whether they’re casual-let’s-see-where-this-goers or straight up looking for the future father of their children.

Filter that shit out in your searches if you have to!

Rule No. 3 Cut’em loose

When you’re done, say you’re done.

Keeping people in the loop about where your head/dick are at is just common courtesy. Treating people how you’d want to be treated, etc (that rule is golden for a reason).

Similarly, people who claim to be down with non-exclusivity sometimes turn out to be not as cool with it as they thought. This should come as no surprise and it’s best to stay one step ahead.

Last but not least—the rule that shouldn’t be a rule but rather Standard Operating Procedure for everyone. All the time. Always.

The real golden rule: KEEP IT CLEAN


This is the only thing you can truly fuck up in a way that guarantees the Dirt Bag status you fear.

Besides, being stupid about sexual health is extremely unsexy.

So, with all that in mind, good luck and godspeed.

Feel free to check back here when the glow wears off and the disenchantment kicks in.

This article was written by a local young lady who’d rather not have you trolling her Facebook page